apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How's work?
Spinning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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