Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Damn victory sex feels great
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
