I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
