Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
