We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
