she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
