never play flip cup with pint glasses
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
