I could make wine with my vomit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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