Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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