You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
