I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
