Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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