4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
how does that bad decision feel?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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