We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
