I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
