it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
