Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
