you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
where am i from again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
