1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
