Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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