You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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