Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize