Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
why is half of my head shaved?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
