I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
