You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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