Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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