I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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