You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
they need to just BURY HIM!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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