Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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