I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
