Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
