So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
