You can't special order awesome
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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