Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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