he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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