so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize