i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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