sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
