He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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