sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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