if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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