In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
