I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
where am i from again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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