So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
