; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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