I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
