i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
