and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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