I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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