i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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