I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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