mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
