I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize