I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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