so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was born a porn star she said
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
