I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
